The Loss of Nothing
by Chocolate Pudding
Summary: Alright alright... yet another romantic Escaflowne ficlet. I just can't help myself! Its sooo sweet. But 'neways... this ones 'bout Merle. I know she isn't my fav character but I can so sympathisize with her. But I guess I'll just let you... ::ramble ram


Disclaimers: Alright, alright... insert the usual disclaimer here: No, I don't own Tenkuu No Escaflowne, but chances are neither do you. And 'neways, even if you did there's no point in suing me considering my idea isn't good enough to make a good series, and the fact that I have absoluetly no money. Alright, maybe I've got some in my college account in the bank (which believe me isn't big enough to put me through school) and no more than $100 bucks in my wallet. So, there really is no point whatsoever in taking this off the web and making me give you money.   
  
Authors Note: Hmm... what to say... what to say. Well, Merle isn't one of my favorite characters in Escaflowne, but her story really touches my heart. I feel really bad for her position especially considering I've been put in it before. This is my second Escaflowne ficlet and I think its okay, but I could be wrong. I'm wrong quite often actually. But 'neways... I'm digressing (love that saying!). I'd like to dedicate this to my best friend Johanna~chan who's also been in this situation and let me drag her into the dark pit of anime (love ya Johanna~chan!). Umm... I think that's all I have to ramble on about... on with the fic!!!  
  
The Loss of Nothing  
The moonlight streamed down over the catgirl as she sat in the hard-backed chair by the window. The star dappled sky seemed to blink down at her, each diamond pinprick of light trying to comfort the ache in her heart. Biting down on her bottom lip as she stared up at those stars, every single one reminding her of him, reminding her of a time she had spent with him, reminding her of how she felt for him, reminding her of how he felt for her, and reminding her of her long lost friend. Tears welled up in her beautiful crystal clear eyes, a few more rebellious tears not listening to her soft plea as she mumbled out to herself "No Merle... its ridiculous to cry over nothing..." "Nothing, that's all I am crying about." she thought to herself as she stared at that azure hued sky, "Nothing because that's all he feels towards me." A few more tears leaked out of her blue pools as she buried her face in her hands; a huddled figure with the soft moonlight spilling over her, trying to lend some comfort in a cold dark world.   
***  
The catgirl grumbled as she felt the sweat tickling the back of her neck caused by the hot sun streaming through the window. A screech and the sound of thundering herd beasts was all that could be heard as Merle scrounged around her room attempting to get dressed at breakneck speed and accomplishing only getting tangled in her clothes. "Oh dear I'm late I'm late I'm late!!!" her squeal thrummed off into oblivion as the girl, now nearly a woman, rushed to the door almost in her dress. "Shit," she thought as she made her way down the stairs, nearly crashing into a servant and bowling over another in order to move past him, "I must've fallen asleep last night....... Van~sama's gonna kill me!" The broken thoughts tumbled from her head as she missed the next step and sent herself sprawling down the spiral staircase of the castle, only her cat instincts to save her. Springing up perkily from her spill she continued her quick trek toward the dining room of the palace where inevitably her Van~sama awaited her with her breakfast.   
By looking at her it was sometimes hard to tell that only a year had passed since the Great War. Actually, by looking anywhere it was hard to tell that only a year had passed since the Great War. Faneila was rebuilt and doing better than ever, and Merle the perky little catgirl had grown into an elegant catwoman... well almost. She had a long way to go but she was making progress. Her now long pink hair flowed over glowing, luxurious golden fur. A major catch to any lucky enough to grab her eye, but only one held her heart. But, right now by looking at her you could have hardly told she had grown up at all, spiraled on the floor at the foot of the stairs like that. A nervous giggle escaped her as she picked herself up and dusted off her lovely dress, dyed the exact shade of pink to match her hair.   
Merle strode purposefully towards the dining room doors, now a poised, young catwoman going in to meet her King. A small smile tugged at her lips as she walked, not only was he her King but he was also her best friend for life, always taking care of her, providing for her, being with her. But deeper down she cried out, tears running down her inner cheeks. He was always the one that caused her so much pain, always the one to make her cry, and yet always the one to comfort her unconditionally without her even telling him what was wrong. Oh how much she wanted to tell him how she felt, wanted him to hold her for love, wanted him to forget about the long lost friend. But, she knew he never would.  
Somewhere during her thoughts she had reached the doors and automatically her lean fingers had wrapped themselves around the handle. Of its own accord her hand tugged downwards on the door, her eyes going wide as she looked on in surprise at the now open door. Only Van's deep melodic voice awoke her from her stupor and she met his warm sienna eyes with a jubilant smile. "Merle! Come on... sit... sit." With his proclamation he stood and ushered her into the room, vaguely gesturing for her to sit in front of him. The plate of steaming breakfast looked rather appealing as she sat and met Van's eyes with her own. "Well it seems, my friend, that you decided to wake up rather late this morning..." van's taunting words elicited only a grimace and death stare as Merle dug ravenously into her food. A chuckle escaped him as he too started to eat what had been set before him.   
Minutes later, some of her hunger assuaged, the catgirl chanced a quick glance up at her King, her friend, her love. The light orbs of her eyes traversed over his handsome face, over the raven messy hair always falling to obscure those dark downturned oblisqueses. He lightly picked at his food, a deep sadness reflected in his eyes, a longing and a passion that she had seen so many times before. A sigh escaped her lips and a few more tears pinpricked her eyes for he had lost something in the Great War even more so than she had, and yet she still cried about it. A light sniffle and a brushing of her hand across her face was enough for Van to look up in concern at her, and a light blush manifested itself on her cheeks where she hoped it wasn't visible. "Merle! Are you all right, you're not crying, are you?" His soft gentle concern was doubled as he reached a hand across the table and set it lightly upon hers, all other emotions leaving his eyes in lue of his concern for her. A shake of her head and retraction of her hand was all she could do, she couldn't trust her shaky voice to show she was all right... really she was all right...   
"Please excuse me Van~sama... I... I'm not feeling well" was the only thing that she could mumble after a few moments of relaxed breathing, the pitiful excuse not fooling Van in the least as she pushed her chair from the table and fled from the room. A sigh escaped him as she left, as he watched her lithe back waning into the distance and as the doors shut upon her, blocking her form from view. It was a very complex sigh, one that expressed sadness for what he had lost and what he had found and a sigh for what he knew he never could provide his best friend.   
Of course he knew Merle's feelings for him, they were blatantly obvious and yet he had hid from them for years and years, pretending it was only innocent friendship that courted him with her. Had he only realized sooner maybe he could have found it in his heart to love her, but then she came into his life. With a blinding light and a tom-boyish haircut she had stolen the piece of his heart meant only to love. Merle had no chance against the goddess of wings, the one from the Mystic Moon. There was no way that he could ever learn to love another while she was still living. And he knew it hurt her terribly, but there was nothing either could do but grin, bear it, and pretend it didn't exist.   
As Merle fled from the room she felt her heart that she wore on her sleeve for him, once again, fall to the ground and shatter into an infinite amount of tiny pieces. The shards flew ever where just as her tears did. She ran through the hallways, all forgotten but her love and his pain. She knew that he could never care for her as he did her, but to think it hurt her Van~sama as much as it did... well that hurt her just as much. His pain for his lost love and her pain for her lost friend mingled together as she ran through the halls, her feet leading her more than her tear blurred eyes.   
She burst out into the warm sunlight and into the private gardens for a few select people, one of them her. The tears flowed down her cheeks as she crumpled into a golden heap on the ground, letting the dark, warm soil soak away her sorrows. The sun shone down upon her back, making her fun seem to glow in a golden aura, the pink of her hair and dress even brighter, and the crystal blue hues of her eyes glittering. Her slim form shook slightly with each sob; a small crumpled, shaking form glowing in the sunlight.  
"She looks rather beautiful," thought Van as he stepped out into the gardens after Merle. He watched in sorrow as she crumpled to her knees and then buried her hands in her face, watched the sunlight play over her slim form, watched the pain in every movement she made. "So beautiful and yet I cannot love her." His thoughts trailed off in his mind as he strode over to her, and knelt down, resting a hand lightly on her back.   
Feeling his hand rest on her back, Merle lifted her head and threw herself at Van, burring her face into his chest, feeling the coarse, comforting material of his shirt against her face. After thoroughly soaking the front of his shirt, she raised her crystal eyes up to his face, lines of pain in her own. Sienna orbs stared into hers, pain, compassion, worry reflected in every hue. "Oh Merle... I'm so sorry. I know its my fault. Its all my fault. I just wish ..."   
Raising a finger to his lips and sniffling she leaned her face up toward his and let her lips rest on his. For a second he deepened the kiss, his arms going around her waist as she lifted her own up around his neck. Butterflies flew around her innards and she tilted her face more to deepen their first kiss. Suddenly though, he backed away, and tears started to drip from his eyes, regret and pain echoed in each one. "Merle... I..." A shake of her head and her pulling away from him thoroughly silenced every word that he was about to utter. "No Van~sama, I'm sorry. I know you... you..." her voice trailed off as if she couldn't utter the words to next come through her lips. Her sobs didn't stop him this time as he said quietly "I love you Merle... I really truly do... but just as a friend."  
  



End file.
